Fear doesn't determine what we do. It determines what we don't do.
As I've been working on my book, I've come face-to-face with my fear. Even when I was happy with a chapter that I wrote, I could hardly enjoy it because I immediately wondered if I was capable of replicating it in subsequent chapters. Fear was destroying all the joy of the process. That's why I wanted to start thinking through a more deliberate methodology for combatting fear.
In this video, I share 5 quick tips for fighting fear that have been helping me:
Take Microactions.
Remove your Ego
Identify your specific "type" of fear
Assess if pain is upfront.
Write it down
You'll notice that these are by no means Earth shattering revelations. The steps to better living are often simple. It's the commitment to the practice of those steps that's difficult. Check out the video for more examples and context!
Why do we have fear?
Our brain is a big predictive processing engine -- so fear is just doing its job! It's predicting various outcomes, forecasting how we'll feel about them, and then backfilling behavior that mitigates risk. This sounds fine and dandy, in theory. But, too often, fear encourages the routes with the least uncertainty, and nothing is more certain than a "do-nothing approach." Do what you already do! Stick to stability! You can't be disappointed when you already know the status quo!
One other small problem.
Humans are consistently bad at predicting the future. We are even worse at predicting how we will feel in the future. So, while the "do-nothing" approach seems like a reasonable strategy, it doesn't give us any more data points to work with. Instead, action (albeit a pain in the ass) brings additional information into our decision-making framework. Action is an invaluable feedback resource.
Tl;dr: when our sense of self feels threatened, we should ask ourselves who the real perpetrator is -- the "threat" our fear perceives, or our ego's fragility. Spoiler alert: It's often the latter.
In one of my favorite books, "Big Magic," Elizabeth Gilbert comically summarizes this precise feature of fear:
"Basically, your fear is like a mall cop who thinks he’s a Navy SEAL: He hasn’t slept in days, he’s all hopped up on Red Bull, and he’s liable to shoot at his own shadow in an absurd effort to keep everyone 'safe.'"
Labeling your Fear
I've realized that there are many different types of fear -- and if you don't think you have fear, then you probably haven't yet diagnosed your specific "brand" of fear (just speaking from experience!) We tend to think fear is overt. We associate it with sheepish people. But, you can be confident and bold, and still have fear.
Soooo. Just to put it out there. My fear is fear of "inadequacy." Not in everything. But, definitely in writing. Writing is something entirely out of my comfort zone -- and while I know that I'm capable in many realms -- writing is not one of them.
Label your fear. If you don't define it with clarity, you can't bring it to closure. And, if you think you don't have any fear -- think again.
Reframing your Fear
As a final note, I want to share one additional strategy for combatting fear that I didn't discuss in the video. On top of the steps outlined above, I've also started re-framing fear. Fear thrives in nebulous space, but it struggles when we make it concrete. This is what allows us to more easily spot situations in which our fear is getting too much say in our decision making. You can make it concrete by labeling your fear. But, I've gone a step further (and potentially off the deep end into crazy-land) by starting to think of my fear as an animate creature -- like a character that keeps me company. Fear is well-intentioned -- but ol'buddy needs your help to fix the bad behavior. So discipline your fear every now and then. It's tough love for your fear -- and in the process, tough love for yourself.
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