Reframing your problems to solve your problems

Let's start with a nice light topic in the new year: HOW TO SOLVE LIFE PROBLEMS.

Do bear with me, will you? We all have problems in our life. But, when problems are painful, we tend to toil in the anxiety rather than thinking deeply on how to solve them. We give ourselves time to just "simmer" on the toxic relationship or the miserable job. Don't do anything rash now! But soon, we blink and we've been doing this whole simmer thing for 3 years. Not. Cool.

So far, I've found that the problems in my life are difficult to solve because they're not clearly articulated. They're vague statements -- and once you start bringing in the details, the problem feels even more real. And scary. In this weeks video, we dive into that messy, beautiful process -- 4 tips to reframe your problems with detail, so you can solve them with ~finesse~.

Identifying your "problem" statement

But, let's back up for a second. Do you have a problem top of mind? If you don't feel like you have any lingering life problems, you're either the most highly evolved human being in the world, or, in denial. Either way, let's be friends. Keep in mind that you don't need to be suffering in order to have some problems that you want to consciously address. Targeting problems is more about being growth oriented than being some sad Sally.

So, come one and come all! What's your problem? Here are some questions to help prompt your thinking:

1. What do you fantasize about? (and I'm not talking about your weird kink-preferences)

2. When and how often do you feel dread, anxiety or stress?

3. What is something you secretly want to do, but haven't done?

4. What do you find yourself venting about to your best friend, parents or significant other?

Got something top of mind? Lovely. Onwards, folks.

New problem, who dis?

If you're struggling to solve this problem, here's my approach: get a "new" problem. And by that I mean -- throw your old problem statement in the trash, and reframe the @#$% out of it. Chances are, if you couldn't think of solutions to solve it, it probably wasn't a clear enough problem statement to begin with. Instead, reframe it. Reframing is so important. It can help you:

1. Clarify vague emotions tied to the problem (i.e. don't give me "unhappiness", people)

2. Build context around the problem (i.e. where does the problem live, how did it get there)

3. Identify the features of yourself that contribute to the problem

4. Identify the features of your environment that contribute to the problem

Overkill? Perhaps. But, these types of details are key. Good solutions are often subtle solutions, and you can't get to that level of specificity without a crystal clear problem statement.

Sizing the problem "time window"

There's a question we all ask ourselves when trying to address a problem. When should we take this on? Indeed, the "wait and see" approach isn't always crazy. Some problems can be pretty fleeting, especially if they're largely situational.

But, allow me to clarify something. When I talk about "problems", I'm not talking about that one-off fight you got into with your best friend. I'm talking about those lurky, long-standing problems that persist over time. With these types of issues, one of the things that I've found helpful, is to time box my window of distress. That means:

If you've been unhappy for more than 6 months, make a change -- any change.

6 months is a long enough window of time where you can be fairly certain that you're not just being some angsty millennial. Whatever you've been unhappy about is ~officially~ worthy of your attention. Remediation should be your numero uno priority -- and not just in whatever sphere the problem exists (i.e. school, relationship, job). It should be your #1 priority in your life.

Your two bffs: Optimism and Experimentation

I'll close with some final comments that may end up being the topic of a future video. Once you have some possible solutions in mind, there are two friends you're gonna want close by:

1. Optimism: the belief that things will go right.

2. Experimentation: the openness for things to go wrong.

Do you see why these are such a powerful duo? They're like water and lemon, Italians and espresso, yuppies and Pelotons. They're meant to be together -- so take both with you wherever you go.

Let's close with some good news: problems tend to exist in narrow chapters. Which means -- few problems in our lives persist for a decade straight. Your problem today likely won't be your problem in the future. I'm just trying to help condense that timeline -- so that you're problem today isn't even your problem tomorrow. In either case, I've found this to be a comforting thought.

Some might even call it optimism ;)